It never rains; it pours.
Never a truer word said.
It seems like bad luck comes in spurts, usually in a row of three – in my experience.
Is this the way life works, or do we simply attract more bad luck because we slip into a negative spiral?
Is the law of attraction at play? Is it all about maintaining a positive mindset and creating an alternative perception of “luck”?
To a degree, perhaps.
But no one is immune to bad things happening in life. No one can avoid loss and upset.
But sometimes it does feel like life is conspiring against us.
Sometimes my life sucks, and I'm sure yours does sometimes, too.
Just recently I experienced a huge loss. A financial one.
An aspect of my business I had built up over 4 years was ripped away from under my feet in one cruel blow.
Worst of all, the circumstances were out of my control. There was nothing I could do about it. Gone. Just like that.
A week of anxiety ensued, mainly at night when all was quiet and the wolves came out to feast on my thoughts.
I wasn't so much worried for myself. I've always been a bit of a ducker and a diver. I have always found a way to get back on my feet and stay proficiently above the proverbial waterline.
But I have a young child: Nursery isn't cheap, nor is rent, food, and the rest that comes with being Dad.
It isn't so much the ‘now' that you think about at 2AM; it's the future…
…What will I do if [insert any given negative scenario here].
I won't get into the specifics of what happened, but it was around 40% of my income and enough to cause a lot of worry.
One saving grace was that I'd been here before. Not in this specific situation, but I knew that I had to endure a process.
First: the shock and upset.
Second: the fear and anxiety of what the future might bring
Third: the blame and anger.
Fourth: the questioning of life; why me? I'm a good person!
Fifth: the junction…
No matter who you are, you will go through these stages and experience similar thoughts and emotions, even if you've been there and done it all before.
No matter how many people say; “Don't worry, it'll be alright; things will get better, I promise”, you'll still go through the motions.
Meditation helps. Exercise helps. Loved ones and friends help. But by and large, fighting off the wolves is a process that you have to accept and endure.
And after a week or two, you'll arrive at “the junction”.
If you're going through hell; keep going.
Like the quote I started with, never a truer word has been spoken.
“The junction” is the penultimate point in the process: you've wept, been anxious, angry, bitter, and felt very sorry for yourself.
But now it's crunch time.
You have a choice: You either rise like a phoenix from the ashes, or drag yourself further down into a hole of gloom and negativity.
In that hole is where more bad luck resides (some would say this is where the law of attraction comes into play).
It is where more anxiety and more fear are ready to thrive on your weakness. It is where anger and depression can take hold.
It is a spiral that can lead to dark thoughts, addiction and other negative escapism.
Your back is against the ropes. You can either go down on the canvas or come out fighting.
When I reached that junction, I went for a run in the fields.
It was there, looking at the evening sun beaming off the long grass, that I saw this situation in a different light.
I thought about my life in the sense of physical existence. I thought about it in the context of every other sentient being.
The reality is that Mother Nature couldn't care less about finances: salary, savings, pensions, university fees, car running costs, etc.
Things live and they die. How they choose to spend the time they live is not important to her.
It doesn't matter to her if I sit down in a hole and wait to die, or get up a make a damn good go at getting myself back into the positive position I was in previously.
She's going to take my life at some point anyway.
She has been lying in wait for my day of reckoning since the moment I was born.
This is the nature of all things.
Whether I sat in that long grass or kept running, she'd still make the sun rise and set, the rains fall and the winds blow.
So it is up to me. I can rise up again or sit down and wallow in self-pity.
What's done is done. It's pointless to rue the past.
I have no choice. I must keep going. I have to let go of the past and open myself up to new opportunity.
And as a starting point I decided to focus on the many positives in my life.
I am running in the fields. I am able. I am thinking freely. I am free. I am loved. I can love too.

Juliet says
Thankyou for this, I find myself wallowing in self pity my mother passed away last year, I have to try to do better.
Alfred James says
Hi Juliet,
I’m so sorry to hear that. Of course my recent situation does not compare to the emotional gravity of yours. indeed, lately I have thought about those in far worse circumstances and it puts things into perspective. Thank you.
al says
life sucks because we all have delusions like love, , fun , sex
and popularity, but
we are thrown together and put in jobs and situations. People must work 5 days to pay bills, we go to offices sit there and spend all our time just making money.
Faith has become less, Jesus is talked about less, you see less people have the faith they used to have, we talk to each other less, there’s more bullying do to social media.
I think the best way to enjoy life is to face the worst, go into a situation and ride it out
feel the embarrassment, anxiety, negativity, and try your best to rise above it.
Find activities you enjoy like a musical instrument, church, cooking, social clubs
have realistic fun and you can be ok.
Steven says
Great comment
Vladimir says
I grew up a horrible past and i always bring myself down like why me why did I have to go thru that stuff when I was young I was innocent. At that moment I never had a mother who truly loved me I never had a father to guide me, my grandparents never really trusted me always thought the worse of me. I had dreams of being the best athlete until I had a coach crush my dreams saying I will never be what I want to be. At that time I never had like a “large figure” to teach me or support me to keep doing what I love never give up, so basically I was always alone. Now I’m 25 and I keep looking back at my past that’s I should of done better that maybe I shouldn’t have ever given up. So i don’t know what to do I feel so depressed. I’m sorry it so long just don’t know whst to do anymore
Mr. Baroque says
Make a list of things that you want in your life. Places you want to experience, things you want to own, where and how you would like to live. Things that you wish to accomplish. Figure out what type of person you wish to be your spouse. Figure out what is easiest to obtain and go for it and work your way up.
Some things you won’t be able to obtain but others you will. Aim for the best future you can have. Good luck buddy!
Alfred James says
Great advice!
Michael says
I’m going through an extremely hard time in my life right now. My 21 year marriage came to an end with my wife leaving and I filed for divorce. We’ve had so many financial issues over the last 10 years that it ruined the most beautiful relationship I will ever have. I live week to week barely getting by and went from living in a nice home that we had built to renting a room in a friends house. I miss my wife so much I don’t want to get out of bed. The pain is unbearable and I’m so lonely. Lets face it, my life is over. I had my chance at happiness and it lasted a long time but now it;s over. I don’t even know why I’m writting this. I pray to God ever night that I won’t wake up but unfortunately i do every morning. I hate living and have no desire to go on so maybe I won’t.
Anita says
Hi Michael,
Don’t give up. I know life is unbelievably tough I’ve been there but you will get through eventually.
Forget thinking about the future or past and concentrate on the present. Make each moment count. Make a stranger smile, do a good deed, watch a comedy. Soon new opportunities will appear and you will be in the right mindset to take advantage of them. Keep fighting.
Val says
I get you . I feel the same way and I shoot heroin and coke and I want to not see not feel anymore. It don’t stop the pain stays even when I use . God help me . And you that is all I can hold onto is good. So u better too
Ricky Phillips says
Michael,
I’ve been through the exact extremity you’re going through now. I too was married 21 years and my wife left me, took our children with her and I lost a near 3000 square foot home and went to living with friends and hotel rooms. Child support took half of my income and makes life tough as hell to live. I know the anger, pain, and loneliness you feel. I know the heartache you feel. I know that feeling of not wanting to go on and feeling my life is over. But I learn those feelings are tricks of the devil. He likes to play with your head during these times of severe trial. But listen, I’ve learn that your strength to make it thru lies within the struggle itself. Through prayer and God’s grace I’ve gotten back up again. I have a great job again. Money isnt what I would like for it to be but I’m living again. I’ve been blessed with another wife that loves and adore me. She’s listened to my story and shared in my tears. She’s my best friend. The point is what you perceive to be your worst moment isnt the end if you trust God. He is the strength in your struggle, the peace in your storm, and the hope you desperate need to live again. I encourage you brother…live…live Mike…Trust God and live your best life…there is renewal after this dark night of pain…live my brother…live!
Lolita Brewer says
I’m actually going through a lot of the situations others are goIng through on here. My life is so messed up I cant figure out how to get a head. I have five beautiful children who sees me crying and depressed all the time. My financial situation is terrible and I have no idea how to fix it. I dont even know where to start. I was married October 26 2019 and I feel like it was the worst thing to do because my husband seems to disappear on Thursdays and come back on sundays. I really just want to be happy and I dont know how
Alfred James says
Have you spoken to your husband about where he is going? Have you explained how his neglect is causing you stress and depression? Is there anyone you can reach out to for emotional support, such as a family member or good friend? If not, I think seeking help through a support group or charity may be the way forward.
Val says
I get you . I feel the same way and I shoot heroin and coke and I want to not see not feel anymore. It don’t stop the pain stays even when I use . God help me . And you that is all I can hold onto is good. So u better too
Tanner Burnell says
Michael. I am a 17-year-old boy, after dating my girlfriend for 2 years she had just recently cheated on me and left me for that man. I know this does not compare to what you are feeling, but hopefully, it gives you the idea that I kind of understand. I wanted to kill myself after she left. I yelled at God, I destroyed myself. She did not ruin me, however, I did. My best friend just got deployed to Iran, neither of us knows when he will return. It could be 6 months or 4 years. I locked myself in my room after those too blows to the neck. I want you to know that I want you to keep your head up, I want you to keep pushing. I encourage you to read the Bible, more specifically Psalms and Proverbs. Just 10 minutes a day and see where it gets you. There’s no human being on this planet that can fix your suffering. Only God can.
Valerie says
I get this I was married 27 years. 3 years later after divorce court cases, I managed to buy a park home, then a solicitor on my x husband side had my bank account frozen , I’m somehow liable for this debt as well, so I went bankrupt due to ill advice, Iv tried to cancel it as worst mistake, £7,440 to come out it. Havnt got it. There now taking my only home left. I want to curl up die x
AJ says
Michael,
Unfortunately I am just seeing your post in late-2021. I hope you have found happiness in your life and no longer wish to “not wake up” in the morning. I too, have had the exact same feeling of not wanting to wake up and when I did, I was angry at God for not fulfilling my wish. That feeling of despair has passed for me. I pray that it has passed for you. I am truly sorry to hear about your domestic situation. Again, I too went through my wife leaving me after 14 years together. I hope you have found peace and meaning in your life. Believe it or not, we are each put on this earth for a specific reason. I know me posting this two years later probably offers zero comfort, but I felt a connection with your post and wanted to, at a minimum, try to send some encouragement your way.
Crystal Granite says
I recently left a 23 yr marriage & just wanted to say no storm lasts forever. Perhaps your wife misses you equally as much? If you are living the way you describe you are not making yourself very appealing to her or anyone really. Seeing you happy & enjoying life certainly would be more attractive. Maybe she doesn’t, & if not then you are suffering for someone who doesn’t deserve it. In any case, you deserve peace & happiness in your life so get off the pity pot, your turn is over & get back to living not just surviving. Namaste.
Tena Wilkinson says
HAY u helped me so much I learned a great lesson after thinking about it I was online dating on games and discord and my “girlfrined” scammed me stole my valuable items I need to be anxious no longer and realize that I will come out fighting with a heart of a viscous warrior I’m not letting a feeling take me over into that dark hole I am 14 bit I learned a lesson it was probably meant to happen in a bad way but after reading this I turned negative thoughts to positive fuel thank yiu
Sissy Ross says
Also I lost my daddy and then right after he passed. My mother passed away. And I am so Angry even more so now cuz she was my bestfriend and I feel like I am stuck in a dark well and I keep reaching for someone to help me get out of there. I am always talking negative and thinking negatively. I just feel so lonely every second of each day. And, I can’t figure out how to Stop and or How to leave the past in the past. Maybe I am afraid if I leave it then that means I walk off and leave her. I don”t know. I isolate real bad and I have an addiction problem and some Mental disorders and since the day I found her on the couch I have felt stuck. I know shes with Jesus but no matter what wrong chices I’ve made in my life before. My mom and daddy and step mom and rreal blood father the only one I got left that dont seem to judge me and still loves me no matter what just like the 3 of them loved me no matter what. He is very sick. And I feel like this losing people or death thing is or has hurt so bad and finding my mom like that. Its got me messed up. And my family dont have nothing to do with me and my 3 daughters just told me that my 2nd cousin who adopted them. That she was there mother and I was just Jammie to them and 2 of them got on the phone and told me that they don’t want nothing to do with me and the oldest tild me. Dont look for them anymore. That later on whenever they want to see me then they will find me. But I need to not call or text or look for them ever again. So tell me now Why I should crawl out of bed now.
Crystal Dawn Granite says
Your mother would not want her legacy to be a lifetime of pain or sadness for you nor for her memory to upset you so honor her and life your best life.
Frank says
I know how you feel my son died I can’t seem to stop blaming myself over and over and over day after day. I found my family I was adopted through ancestry I found my family. They love me it makes things better but my kids still gone it makes me so depressed or not funny. Everybody goes home to their lives and their families are you home the Black Walls yours truly a guy with no return
Anthony says
I lost my mom October 27th 2016 you’re not feeling sorry for yourself losing the one that birth you is very painful and to add lifes curveballs doesn’t help
Mrs L Hedley says
Going through a similar thing in our house. My husband resigned from his job of 17 years after a cruel and ruthless “dressing down” It meant he had to return the company car and we had to buy one and his wages would cease at the end of July. He has been through the stages you mentioned and with his character would easily have chosen the negative route. However, I have helped him to see an opportunity to be rid of the stresses of his previous life and embrace another path. Financially we will manage, he is 63 and cannot draw his state pension for 4 more years but I feel we will be richer for the change.
Alfred James says
That is a really tough situation to endure, especially so late in his career. He is clearly blessed to have you though. The support you’re giving him is invaluable and no doubt because of that he will pull through this difficult time and be “richer” for it, both mentally and spiritually. I wish you both all the best.
Chuck says
Blah blah blah. I have been fighting the Demons all my life and I am now 68. I played the game and I lost and I lost big. All the platitudes by these BS self helpers are crap. If you have no money holding hands and singing songs won’t help you still won’t have any money. If you are chronically ill you will still be chronically ill. Self help is so much unadulterated crap. I think I’ll write a phoney rah rah book and make a bunch of money. If you are doomed you are doomed it’s as simple as that.
Alfred James says
To an extent, I agree. A lot of these self-help guru staff is misleading, disingenuous and often just regurgitating the same set of rules/beliefs that have been written about a hundred times before. But undoubtedly we can exert some control over our lives and make improvements. Even when we are unfairly thrust into a bad situation and things are crumbling around us, being able to manage our emotions and see the woods for the trees can help us make better decisions that will lead to a better place both mentally and physically.
As you point out, for some with chronic illness there is nothing they can do about it, but actually this is quite rare. The reason for the majority of health problems is lifestyle. Science is continually showing us that illnesses such as type II diabetes, heart disease, certain autoimmune diseases, even some cancers, and of course obesity are linked to diet and other lifestyle factors such as smoking, drinking, lack of exercise, and environmental pollution.
By taking our health into our own hands and looking beyond prescription medication for temporary fixes, we can achieve better health. And your health is your wealth. Because if you are healthy and able to get up and take on the day, you do have the opportunity to open doors, to push yourself further, to gain knowledge, to get out there and talk to people, to participate in society, to positively impact the lives of others and your own life, to work and earn money, and then manage that money the best you can to create a better life for yourself.
Yes life is cruel, and it is true that for some very unfortunate people there is nothing they can do about this situation – perhaps they are going to die soon and the condition may have cannot be reversed. But then you can point to hundreds of cases, where people refused to give in and were given six months to live and went on to live for two years, three years or even five years or more.
So there is a lot to the power of positivity, the power of being present and refusing to give up, and not allowing the negative experiences of the past, or anxiety over what the future might bring to interfere with your ability to take some positive action
And this comes back to the point, that the present moment is actually all that exists, it is all we have. So if you stop for a moment and think about the hole that you are in, and just allow yourself to critically think on whether there is any small thing you can do right now to make this moment a better one, to take action now in this moment that might have a positive knock-on effect in your life, that has to be a positive form of self-help.
I’m not saying this is easy, and clearly some people have it much worse than others, but just take one small step, be it going outside for a walk, going to see a friend you haven’t spoken to in a long time to say hi, looking in the jobs section of the paper to see what opportunities might be out there for you because you’re frustrated and depressed with your current job, or changing your diet to eat less processed foods and fatty meats and instead increase the amount of fresh fruits and vegetables you eat so that you are healthier and can become more active. These things make a difference.
I also appreciate it is much harder to take these steps when you are on your own. This is why it is so important that we reach out to others and take the time to listen to them, offer any help and advice we can and try to motivate them to keep going, not give up the fight, and realise that they do have potential to fulfill and that there is a way to make life happier and more enjoyable even if the past has been very dark.
Joe Shmoe says
I agree with Chuck that sometimes, most tines, this type of advice is meaningless if you have really taken it on the chin in life. At 66 years I have the same experiences. I am now homeless, broke, alone, and in chronic pain. I did not have “bad lifestyle habits”. I was a wonderful husband for 24 years – to a woman who turned out to be a covert narcissist who divorced and estroyed me when I developed heart problems. Otherwise, no ‘law of attraction’ factord, because the events that constantly have plagued and harmed me are external to any factors I control – car accisdents where people run lights and hit me. Cancer, stock crashes, crime, falls and injuries that affected my ability to do my profession – despite 3 degrees and 8 years to be able to be an architect. Now it is just me broke, alone, and with my cat for company. I did EVERYTHING and was PERSISTENT. I can’t have children, which I wanted badly; and my wife whom I actually sinceely and truely loved discarded me when I fell ill. Still, I was robbed of everything I earned and my health is not what it used to be. It makes a puppy love breakup or just losing a job seem minor.
Alfred James says
I won’t disagree, and I won’t pretend to know how you feel. There are clearly circumstances when a run of bad luck that is completely out of your control hits you with one thing after another, and no positive mantras or philosophy is going to make you feel better. You have been dealing with awful circumstances, but there may still be a chance to find a place of acceptance, and ultimately some happiness. Maybe not.
In terms of your health, which is our true wealth; don’t give up on that. In addition to medical help, stay motivated to make healthy lifestyle changes (diet and exercise) to assist the body in healing. Let food be thy medicine.
David says
I totally agree with Joe and Chuck. All these positivity-focused theories that bring you happiness, that give you what you attract, …, and if you are doing good nothing bad can happen… Sorry, naive. Also very worth reading: Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I’ve Loved, K. Bowler.
Alfred James says
That’s a great book, I agree it’s definitely worth reading.
I don’t think anyone believes that if you are doing good nothing bad can happen. But what we do know is that by and large nothing positive comes out of constantly being negative. Of course there are people who just have extraordinarily bad luck, and anyone of us can get struck down with a blow of bad luck at any time in our lives, be it a breakdown of a personal relationship, the loss of a job or even a terminal illness. But I know from personal experience that refusing to take ownership of the situation and blaming everyone else, blaming my upbringing, blaming my parents, blaming society, blaming my boss, etc., only leads to a cycle of further negativity.
When I start making myself accountable for my actions and situation in life, when I look in the mirror and truly start to be honest with myself about how much effort I’m putting in, about my lack of commitment and staying power, about the choices I’ve made, about the time I have wasted and continue to waste, about the fact that it’s always someone else’s fault and not my own, only then am I able to move forward and make sustainable change happen.
Sure, you can’t control every aspect of life and external circumstances will trip you up along the way, but what you can do every day is develop a mindset that will equip you with the tools to deal with emotionally and physically challenging times. Doing so means that you will not only achieve greater things in your own life and be more likely to fulfill your potential in your endeavours, but you will also become a more valuable person to your friends and family, for whom you can be a rock to lean on in times of need.
Of course, we can all sit around and mock the theory of positivity and the theory of the law of attraction and so forth. But the reality is that while you are doing that you could be taking action to improve your life or the lives of others. By improve your life I mean really set about being the best person you can be and improving your current situation. Every situation can be improved, no matter how bad it is, even if only slightly, day by day.
Bonnie says
I don’t even know how I happen upon these sites, looking for a glimmer of hope from people who have probably never even been in a situation like this. And if they have, probably dumb luck got them over it, not karma, not practicing meditation or whatever other BS they claim got them through. I’m depressed, I lost my job, my income is ZERO because I made a mistake and left a good job to go to a better one that turned out to be a friggin disaster. My bad. But I took the risk to get more money and better benefits but the place ran me off with very weird drama. So that’s just part of my BS, and of course I’m looking for another job but it isn’t easy. I’m not going to sit on a rug and take deep breaths waiting for the phone to ring. I’m going to pace, and smoke cigarettes and cry because that’s where I’m at.
To all of you going through some SH*t, I’m sorry, I feel for you, and bad crap happens to good people all the time and it makes no sense.
Fred says
Right on brother, right on. I am battling the worst demons of my life right at this moment thanks to my ex wife, i have lost really really big. I feel like hanging myself sometimes but the thoughts of my kids will not give me the courage…
Alfred James says
Stay strong Fred. Sending you positive energy.
Dan says
Right on brother, I couldn’t have said it better. See you on the gallows pole. F em all
Hil says
I too have been fighting demons all my life. I admit self help does not work for everyone. Its not easy admitting you need help and that things are going badly. The self help advice is there to educate and guide not to cure people. It takes the reader actually using that information to help themselves in a way that suits them. Its a tremendously difficult thing to do. To find the courage, strength and acceptance to grow would be difficult at the best of times but when you’re feeling like you’ve hit rock bottom it can seem impossible.
If these books and articles help people find their strength and to hope again then I believe that’s a damn good start.
Personally meditation and mindfulness saved my life. It doesn’t suit everyone but for me it enabled me to get in touch with my repressed feelings, to learn to cope with having emotions again, how to react to my emotions and when to take a momentary step back. This led to me being able to finally accept that I had a narcissistic parent and what had gone on was not personal but their issue. This led me to another self help site that has meant I can maintain a relationship with them without feeding into their illness and not getting emotionally pummelled.
The meditation was useful with my chronic illness. Yes I’m still chronically ill but its helped me to accept it and to decrease my pain, tension, stress and aguish around it.
Life is tough and all self help should be adapted to fit each individual by the individual.
With life and anything written, it can be looked at, lived and taken with a pinch of salt.
To those who dislike self help and this article…Fine. Nobody is forcing you to agree with it. But if I were a vegetarian I wouldn’t force that opinion on you of how silly it is that you eat meat and all the things I think are daft about it unless you requested this as constructive criticism. So please if its not for you just move on. Don’t write nasty belittling comments and potentially put others off when it may help them.
Laurie Cannon says
Thank you Mr. James for this interesting blog. Good comment, Hil. I get guidance about how “people do not pursue the experiences necessary to enable them to change their minds.” I think we live and judge our experience from behind a certain lens. How do we know that we are thinking truthfully, clearly, beneficially if we aren’t aware of our own beliefs, defenses, coping mechanisms, etc.? For example, I dated an abusive individual for a while. One day, I realized that he was a drama queen. Next, I thought, “Oh. I must be a drama queen too.” I realized that I’d confused “drama” with happiness! I wanted the drama. Recently, I’ve had to admit to myself how demanding I am. These recognitions are painful. But basically, one has to get good and sick of the contents of one’s own mind in order to be able to move forward and decide that one wants to heal. You have to heal YOURSELF from the inside out. You cannot expect external people and situations to do that for you. I think that the focus on drug and alcohol addictions is a big scam. The most challenging thing I’ve ever had to do–that I began doing recently after a decade of spiritual practice–is trying to be present. Practicing present moment awareness. Try it and see how hard it is to do. The mind will play incredible tricks on you. Bog you down in past bad, stupid mistakes. Your thoughts will return over and over again to the same livid bile that you believe you are entirely justified looping in your mind. Nor will you elect to change until you see that this kind of thinking will always drop you at the same emotional dead end. It will not fix things. How can you understand your motivations for past/future choices if you are not present? It’s important to know that trying to be present exposes how addicted one is to the world and what we believe the world owes us. Has it occurred to you that the world owes you nothing? That was another shocker for me. Have you seen that one yet? And, if that’s true, what’s next? If you’re lucky enough to have your mind drive you to the end of your rope, it will be the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Despair is opportunity.
Alfred James says
One of the most powerful comment contributions I’ve had. Thank you, Laurie.
“I think we live and judge our experience from behind a certain lens. How do we know that we are thinking truthfully, clearly, beneficially if we aren’t aware of our own beliefs, defenses, coping mechanisms, etc.? ” I love this. Being honest with yourself can be pretty painful, but as you say, out of that reality check arises opportunity.
Cj stee says
Count your blessings that there is a pension. Many in this situation don’t. Including me and my husband. Everyone has it hard..
Brett Hill says
very nice. I’m sorry that this has come your way. Perhaps it is to create a stronger alliance with your true nature. Perhaps it is to pay off some karmic debt. Perhaps it is for no reason at all and is just the stuff of life. In any event, you do have a choice. And your attention to your process and inner state is strong. Thank you -f0r the work you are doing in this way, while it doesn’t pay your rent/mortgage – is the real currency of humanity. And we are sadly impoverished in that way it seems.
Alfred James says
Thank you Brett. I appreciate your kind words. I find that in situations like this, making connections with others really boosts morale and opens up an air of positivity and opportunity, even if just through the comments here. Empathy is a great healer.
Liuschen Ackerman says
Thank you for the inspiration. I have been going through my own doldrums lately, but am now determined to come back swinging. We may never know why life conspires against us, but maybe its to share our journey and truly mean it when we say “I have been there and survived”
Alfred James says
Good to hear that you are on the up again, or at least determined to be. I think there is truth in that; these experiences make us wiser and in turn give us the knowledge to help others when they experience troubled water.
Mui Li says
Thank you Alfred for your post.
There is a saying ‘your tormentors are your educators’.
Whilst I meditate daily – when I am experiencing low points I use a Malcolm Huxter’s – Managing painful emotions. I also recommend Kundalini Yoga.
I wish you and your family, joy happiness and peace.
In warmth Mui
Alfred James says
Thank you for your suggestions Mui. Coincidentally, I have been reading up on the origins of Kundalini recently, though I have to say I am not so good at yoga 🙂 I am doing my daily walking meditation which really helps me defragment and centre my mind. Wishing you and your family happiness & peace too.
Trey Holladay says
Just wanted to say your timing with this post is impeccable. I needed your message today. Any other day would not have made such an impact. Keep fighting my friend. We shall all fight together!
Alfred James says
Hi Trey, I’m so happy to hear that this connected with you at the right time. As they say, “a problem shared is a problem halved”, even if digitally through the Internet! Let’s keep moving forward.
Diane Meyer says
Good for you for rising from the ‘ashes’. I realize it is not the easiest thing to do (been there a few times:) but the alternative is worse…..for yourself as well as your loved ones. Best of luck as you continue on your journey!!
Alfred James says
Absolutely Diane. That’s what you realise at that junction: that to rise up and move forward with hope is the only pathway. Best of luck to you too.
Angela says
Thank you for sharing I am glad you have great sources of inspiration (your family)to keep you going. As long as we have breath in our body and desire in our hearts we can pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and do what we need to carry forward. You are already ahead in so many ways that you shared in your post. You are blessed to be loved and be able to love. Love can pull us through even if we can’t see it at the time of the occuring unexpected life event. You have a beautiful gift with words that touches others lives. Words are very powerful and it appears to me you are aware of their power when you write. I have no doubt that you will become even more than before your set back. I read your other posts.have I see that you have a fire in your soul and will use that fire to help you succeed in your life. Keep doing good. I believe it’s true sometimes bad things happen to good people but it can serve to make us stronger. You seem to me that you will find the life lesson in your event. I wish you the very best.
Alfred James says
“As long as we have breath in our body and desire in our hearts we can pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and do what we need to carry forward” – I love that!
I am blessed to have love in my life (I have my wife, my daughter and my parents), and that “fire”, as you put it, keeps on burning 🙂
Thank you for your kind words.
Judith Steadman Jones says
Dear Alfred,
My late mother used to say that things happen for a reason, which you can only realise after the event. I used to think that was no help at all , but events have proved me wrong.
My husband and I decided for purely financial reasons that we had to sell our family home of forty years and move nearer to our daughter and buy a smaller house.. Every fibre of my being screamed NO! We had bought the house ,which was a wreck but, bit by bit, had turned it into a wonderful home. And, honestly, it had been my saviour through some rocky years in our marriage .But deep inside I knew it was the right thing to do.
Three years later, after many trials and tribulations, I am happier than I have been for many years.
The move coincided with me finding you, who has helped me countless times and I feel ashamed that I haven’t written sooner to thank you. One just has to get on with it ,as you say,
You will look back Alfred and find the positives and I send you my love and very best wishes. You are in my thoughts. Judy.
Alfred James says
My mother says the same thing, but like you say it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you are knee-deep in the situation. I’m really glad you decided to write to me in the end and share this lovely story. I wish you and your family many more years of happiness. Thank you.
Di says
Thanks so much for sharing your story, Alfred. You are an inspiration!
Alfred James says
Thank you for reading Di!
Tracy says
Thanks for sharing Alfred. I needed this message today.
Experiences like this are shocking and create all sorts of feelings we have to deal with, it takes time but it all passes – I’m busy listening to compassionate uplifting ‘yoga’ music – this is so soothing at these times. Snatam Kaur, Deva Premal, Jai jagdeesh. Xx
Alfred James says
Glad the message reached you Tracy. I’ll check out those artists too. All the best to you.
MIRANDA says
Hi Alfred:
I’m so glad you wrote this post. It teaches us how to get back up after being knee deep in a situation that you feel like you have no control over. I wondered how to get back up after these bad situations get us down and reading this post helped me understand that. Thank you for all that you do. You’re very inspiring. Best of luck to you!
Alfred James says
Thank you Miranda, great to hear that you got something from this post. Best of luck to you too!
Mike says
Some call this the subtle art of not giving a f***. Being intentional about where we spend our f**** really isn’t hard – we just psych ourselves out and make it difficult. We don’t believe we are free to not give a f*** about the things the world insists we chase, but it’s just brainwashing us into conformity and yielding to it’s control.
Alfred James says
To a degree you are right, but I do think it is pretty hard not to give a hoot, particularly if the situation that affects you also directly impacts those around you who you are in part of fully responsible for. Sure, from a primal point of view, as long as we have food and shelter then we shouldn’t let ourselves give a hoot about anything else. But then that isn’t the modern human condition, and it reminds me of something I heard today: stomach empty = just one problem, stomach full = 100 problems.
Judy Scheveck says
Always maintain an attitude of gratitude. We are exactly where we’re supposed to be.
Alfred James says
Hey Judy, that’s true, otherwise we wouldn’t be in that particular circumstance. But always maintaining an attitude of gratitude is challenging during trying times. And just how much of a challenge it is depends on the gravity of the situation. For example, when my father re-married and his wife was diagnosed with a terminal illness, telling him or his wife to maintain an attitude of gratitude because they exactly where they are supposed to be wouldn’t have been a positive way to sympathise and support their situation. Similarly, I wouldn’t say that to someone who had just lost their job or experienced some other life-changing event. I totally understand what you mean and, usually we do find things to be grateful for and accept our situation in the medium term, but there are a number of steps to go through before getting that stage, as I highlighted in my post.
Padmashree Ghangale says
I cannot agree with you more. I am very glad that you exist. Just recently I was ready to call it quits. Simply because I couldn’t forgive my past and speculate my future. I agree with you when you say that neither exists, they really don’t. Our present is the moment we actually are alive in and all of nature demonstrates it.
Alfred James says
Hey Padmashree, I’m really glad that you are here writing your comment and didn’t call it quits. You are absolutely right. The past can only define us as much as we allow it to. We have the power to choose who we want to be in this moment.
AllOneProject says
A very interesting reading! Very good!
Toby says
I have only just found your blog, but I wish you the very best.
To add my fourpeneth, I have found that the scales of good fortune and misfortune rarely stay in one position for long. They will always reset, maybe not to same situation as before but balanced in their own way.
I had some serious problems a couple of years ago and end up in a very dark place. Learning meditation and keeping in mind that all things are temporary got me through. The balance returned eventually ,though not the same as before, it was accompanied by a renewed appreciation of the more basic places to find contentment. Like finally opening my eyes and appreciating the world around me. So I lost some thing’s and I learnt some personal lessons and my life is much richer for it.
No doubt you are already out the other side, but if not, keep going it is worth it 🙂
Alfred James says
Hey Toby, thanks for sharing your experience. Wise words, for sure. My Dad has always said to me: “Things have a funny way of working themselves out”. I never really took much notice of that until my early 30s. I guess he was pretty much simplifying (for me) what you have said.
All the best to you.
Sonya says
Thank you. I just happened to find this and it is what I needed to read. I am going through some pain and reading your stages, realized that I was feeling all that. It helps to understand what I am going through and to work on facing it.
Alfred James says
Hey Sonya, glad you found the post helpful. Keep feeling and facing forward, one step at a time. Best, Alfred.
MIRANDA says
Recently, I also received a financial blow of bad luck. I lost every source of income that I have. I only had a part time job working 20 hours a week but it was enough to case a lot of worry. I’m also going to school and paying for tuition is not cheap so I’m scared that I’m going to spend a lot of nights alone with the wolves. Oftentimes, my thoughts never stop. I always wonder if their was something that I cold have done differently to change things. Was it my fault? Was I not working hard enough? Am I not good enough? I had something similar happen to me last year and now I feel hopeless like I am doomed for this to keep happening to me. My thoughts are running loose now and the first thing I thought of is going to your blog and finding the post that read about the financial. I wish there was something that I could have done to change things but nobody was giving me any answers.
Alfred James says
Hey Miranda, sorry to hear of your run of bad luck. There is only one thing you can do, and that is move forward. To keep thinking about what you could have done differently and what might have happened if a different set of circumstances had occurred just keeps rubbing salt in the wound. You are re-living the events over and over in your head and in doing so stopping yourself moving forward. You must let go. Blaming and questioning yourself is preventing you moving forward.
You had a job, so you CAN get another one. Start from scratch. Get a piece of paper and make a plan. Map out the steps you’re going to take to find a new part-time job, go to bed early and wake up early to make a fresh start.
Turn the corner, open a new chapter in the book (your life) and make it happen. Before you know it you’ll be in a better place.
Only you can make this happen.
Joel says
wow what an inspirational website. As we all know, life can throw many curve balls, no matter the age or circumstances. I love the keep it positive, because its seems when you are negative more negative happens. Don’t know why, but sure seems that way. hey, your still alive, you can think and feel. That may be more than some can do. I’m going thru s*** right now. But somehow I know, long term things will change.
Just be positive, no matter how hard it is to see
Alfred James says
Thanks Joel. Keep your head up. Take it one sure step at a time, and before you know it you’ll be in a better place.
Armando Guerrero says
Thank you! Yes! We are just part of mother time! Well put. A piece of sand was just before becoming a rock!
rinki says
Hi Alfred James,
I just love this website, i came across this site today and found your words very inspiring and uplifting.
I’m in my late 20’s. I’m all alone and going through very tough times, no one to even say a kind word or understand me, no one!! Because of that i’ve became very quite and broken.
I lost my mother who was the only person to understand things and support and say kind words. I lost my job which i was doing since last 3 years. I’m jobless since 1 year and so looking for job but many times unable to concentrate on my studies as i have rarely seen happy moments in my life, my past always keep flashing on my mind. My problem is how i keep going if no one even bother i live or die. How to be positive always and come out of my worst phase of life.
Alfred James says
Hey Rinki,
I’m sorry to hear of your loss and your bad run of luck. Take things one step at a time. Keep putting your best foot forward. Change is always happening, but you can influence that change. Write a to-do list, get up early, put your plan into action. You have to put the hard work in, you have to suffer a little bit. If you do, you’ll see the results start to unfold. When you start taking action and take charge of your life, others will be influenced by your actions and become interested in you because you will be an inspiration. You have a story to tell, but don’t let it define you – because you have a life to live, so go live it the best you can. You have youth on your side. Take advantage of that.
Charlie says
I love this quote I been going to court for false accusations from my employer. This hit the spot . I’m a college student and thank you for this….
Kathy says
It makes sense, your words. Yet I’m not sure how to rise like a phoenix when the struggles are real and relentless. Um, like caring for a dying mother and a husband who’s disappearing before your eyes from Parkinson’s. Someone, please tell me where the silver lining is in that? Like holding the hand of a broken daughter who just lost her last best chance to be a mother with her 8th miscarriage (and this was the best one.) Like losing yourself to the needs of everyone else. Seems to me a job loss, find another. Financial setback, devastating but a road back is possible. Realistic hope. Where there’s hope there’s possibility. Someone, anyone please explain to me how I’m attracting this heartbreak. I’m so sick of hearing it, like somehow if only I was more positive, my husband would remember what day it was, or be able to walk three feet. My mother would stop fighting my help and my daughter would have that child she wants so desperately.
Joyce says
This life is such a cruel joke. We struggle to survive, only to grow old and die anyway. What’s the point of this hell? I hate this life. Everyday I am angry that I am here, being forced to live in this hell hole.
Shelly says
Joyce, I totally think the way you do. I really appreciate this post and it is helping to get out of bed today and get on with chores, side business, etc., on my day off when I am exhausted. But seriously, what is the point of it all? We are all just going to die in the end and not even a million years from now, but even just 50 years from now, nobody will even think twice about us having existed at all. It’s like when someone retires at work after 25 years there or something, and it’s just business as usual the next week with them gone forever and doesn’t even cause a blip in the matrix. It isn’t going to change anything. And, it feels like a trap being responsible for other people, so you can’t even live any years of your life in freedom. Yet it is always pressure on this plane to get married, to have kids, take care of family, etc., which only traps you more. What is the point of having kids, even? I feel if it had been even a few years later, I would have not chosen to have kids seeing how stressed my teenager is about global warming, and the future that lies ahead for them. Everyone spends all waking hours on electronics. We are going to be run by robots and whatnot. It’s unreal. What kind of life will my children have here? I have made sure they are happy now, but when they have to deal with real life? And that is just first world problems! What of the people who have children only to watch them starve to death from famines or worse, get trafficked and sold into slavery or blown up in wars? That is where all spiritual teachings go out the window for me, because I know plenty of people who have faith in God and are positive, and still living on the streets, getting beat up each day, etc. Still staving to death. If God helps those who have faith, there is something missing there, then. And it makes no sense to me anyway, as everything is everything. Everything contributes to everything and unfortunately the way life is on this planet, that is not pretty for humans. Just the fact you have to kill other living things every day in order for you to live on this planet should make everyone question what is so great about this place?
It seems only people who have it made on this planet are the people who happen to love doing something that also pays well and they happen to be born in a free country with the intelligence and health to do what they want to do, and they don’t allow themselves to fall into relationship traps or other traps that ruin it for them or they find a true partnership. OR, the people who don’t buy into any societal pressures at all, and stay single and free and need very little, so they only have to work very little doing whatever they want and live very cheaply because of no responsibilities. That is a very small percentage of the population on the planet. My heart aches for so many people suffering in every way imaginable, and I feel like Joyce that I just can’t wait to leave this place. It is HELL for 90% of people on the planet.
Unfortunately for me, I have had healthy habits and am not overweight, non-smoker, etc. and trying to figure out how I am going to stand so many more decades here. I want to just be done when my parental responsibilities are over, because even if I were to do something I enjoy for a living that doesn’t pay anything since I don’t care about materialistic things, and my spouse were up for doing that, I honestly just do not have the strength to keep living and next take care of all the elderly people in my life I will have to care for when I am even older myself. I’m so exhausted. So, I want to just collapse when kids are grown and say I’ve done all I’ve been asked to do and can I please go now? There is nothing else I want to do here besides be in nature and that does not equal a reason to stick around, as I don’t trust life to not take away any semblance of freedom again and just be more years and decades of suffering. It always goes in cycles and I no longer have the youth and energy to keep fighting when I don’t feel like being here longer is worth fighting for?
Alfred James says
Today I read a story of two kids killed in India because they were a lower caste than their neighbors. It was the first thing I read after waking up. They didn’t have a toilet and are one of many families in the village who have to defecate outside. Local men beat them to death because they were angry with this “lower caste” kids. After reading that I felt pretty much like you describe. What kind of word have I brought my daughter into? Every day the violence and suffering seems to get worse.
Bryan says
In the past 5 years:
my mom died.
my wife left me.
laid off twice after moving for major job promotions and working my ass off.
No matter how much I pray, work hard, or help others, my simple dreams just keep getting denied. I’m being withheld from, just plain told “No”. I have many blessings, but nothing anywhere close to what I’ve worked and prayed for. I have all the tools and I’m executing. But at some point, I just need God’s blessing, bc there’s nothing else missing here.
Bea says
It is really hard. Just stuck at the junction now. I keep thinking: it is just temporary, things will get better, things happen for a reason etc etc but when you are in it, it is hard. Despite all the efforts, I am still struggling.
AEW says
i’m with you Bea. it’s exactly how i feel. i had a hugely successful career which has now dried up. i had emergency eye surgery to save my sight, it came completely out of the blue . my life feels like a daily struggle. i feel like i’m fading away, i’m stuck (because of circumstances) in a small town where 90% of the people are unfriendly. i feel alone even though i have a wonderful son & husband. i feel like a animal caught in a cage. i have days where i feel panicked, sad, hopeless, and at best trying to claw out. no one feels sorry for me i know. on the outset i have a wonderful life.. inside my spirit my soul is slipping away.
BMZ says
I’m so tired of these kind of articles…you know why there are SO MANY articles like this on the web? Because the advice given NEVER WORKS, the issue adressed is still here, and will always be. When you fall off the horse…might as well stay down there, because you’ll fall again, and again, and again. No matter how hard you try or how many times this happens to you, you’ll spend your whole life falling off that f*cking horse. And as far as I’m conerned, the ground keeps getting harder and harder, things go from bad to worse, that’s the only true constant I noticed in life, or in mine to be precise. No matter how hard i try or the efforts I make to better things, i always end up in the same situation, only a little worse every time. “the law of attraction”…I don’t know what to think of that concept. It does seem like obsessing on negativity does bring even more troubles to the table…but every time you finally, miraculously clear all the negativity and start “being positive” again, what happens? It works for a month and BAM, you fall off that fucking horse AGAIN. And I’ve learned throughout the years to differentiate when something bad happens to me, is it my fault or is it an event that is out of my reach and I can’t do anything about it? It’s easy when its your fault, all you have to do is identify where you went wrong and not do that again. But when its random events that for some reason, ALWAYS end up happening to you, you start wondering why do you always end up in crappy situations. I know I sound like a paranoid whiny idiot who thinks the whole world is after him…but I’m 38, I’ve made a TON efforts to sort things out and better myself, I studied, I worked, I paid myslef some training periods whith my own money, I really did everything I could do to better my existence. But when you always end up in the same situations, no matter how hard you try to avoid them, you start thinking you got to be doing something wrong. Again I’m 38, i’ve kicked myself out of the gutter time and time again, I’ve learned from my mistakes, I’m experienced, I did everything i possibly could to avoid having these situations happen to me…but things continue as they always did, i always end up in the same situation, and each passing year is worst than the the last. I don’t really believe in curses or jinx, im a rational guy…but sometimes it’s just the only conclusion you can come up with, no matter what you do, the same bullshit keeps on happening again and a again, like a repetitious pattern, like this was a constant leitmotiv in your existence. Some people are just magnets for bad luck, wether they are aware of that or not, i dont really think you bring bad luck upon yourself by obsessign on bad luck, by thinking you are, indeed, unlucky. My brother’s the same, i wouldn’t say he’s “jinxed”, but after a while you realize he’s indeed really unlucky…he doesn’t makes mistakes, he’s a serious, devoted and hard working guy…but somehow he’s really, REALLY effin unlucky. Not his fault, just always in the wrong place at the wrong time. I seem to be like that as well (though I’m not really devoted or overly zealous as far as work is concerned like he is), Im 38, and I awlays, ALWAYS end up in the same situations. I tryed really hard to change this, to better my life, i took medical treatments, I saw 7 different shrinks (seeing one right now), i really tried hard to get myself out of this loop of bad luck…but somehow I always end up in the same situation, a recurring pattern in my life i notice more and more. It’s like the thematic common point of my life : ending up in the gutter. I’ve learned from my mistakes, i sought medical and psychological help, I learned from my mistakes, no matter how hard I try : back to the gutter i go. I takes me a while each time to pick up the pieces and try again, things kinda a work out a couple of month, and BAM : back to the gutter. I’ve been spending so much time down the gutter that I should stop worrying and just live there, rent one, it’s like destiny is tryng to make me understand where my place on this planet is : down in the gutter…. Now when you always fall off the horse, I’m talking a least 3 times a year, when this keeps happening all the time no matter how hard you try, you either have to buy a new, better saddle, or horseriding just isn’t your thing so you should stop wasting time and give up…because you will ALWAYS end up in the same situation no matter how hard you try.
Ariana.J.H says
What about those who don’t know where to go next? It is dumb to put my situation on the internet because… just because, but I will say that I just moved from my Mom’s house to my Dad’s house, which means different city, different neighborhood, different school, and of course my readiness to give up. have tried so hard and made it so far, but when I look at the bigger picture, I feel like I should be much farther. Please do not tell me that I shouldn’t give up. I know that much. What am I supposed to do to help not give up? I am a Sophomore in high school and I just turned 15. I am planning for the future but it has me questioning what I need to do. I am, in all honesty, not good at a single thing. Some say I am just an over dramatic teenager whom is crying because she didn’t get what she wanted. Truth is, I didn’t know what I was doing when I first started. All I knew was that I needed to leave where I was. I also don’t know where to go from here. I really don’t have much of a place in the world. My family says I do, but of course they can’t tell me the answers. Nobody can tell me the answers.
Alfred James says
Hi Ariana, is there someone you can talk to other than your family? Perhaps a school counselor?
I had no idea what I wanted to do when I was 15. I didn’t know where I was going or who I was. My situation wasn’t too different from yours. I found myself at school where I couldn’t relate to anyone and it felt like school was more about survival than learning. I had to try to fit in.
From experience I can tell you this: Don’t worry about what you aren’t good at, do what you enjoy doing and put your time and energy into that. You will reap the rewards.
Don’t focus on what everyone else is doing: what they are good at, what they are wearing, what hobbies they have, and where they think they are going. Embrace yourself. There will never be another you, it is scientifically impossible. So set about embracing yourself and your uniqueness.
There’s so much that you can bring to the world. For a start, you have been through and are going through a difficult time in your life. And the likelihood is that you’re going to come across other people who are going through an equally difficult time. The strength that you have built and will continue to build through this difficult time will give you the resolve and life skills to deal with much greater challenges, but also to help other people through difficult times.
Darlene says
Platitudes… empty phrases from ppl who have had a few bumps and a few BIG bumps – oh boo hoo… easy to say: Chin up, bite the bullet, deal with it, bla bla bla… don’t understand life. What I learned… balance must be maintained – the law of the universe. For every winner – a loser. I was BORN on the losing side of the spectrum. Yeah, get kicked to the ground, pick yourself up, dust yourself off…. continue down the road… HOPING that one day… the Sun will Shine…. SO few days have I felt the warmth of the sun. When it rains, yep, it pours… day upon day…never ending. AT Least… those two words: “At least” GRIND me…Or… It couldve been worse. I have heard all those empty… empty words n phrases.. And that is what they are, empty – they DO nothing for ya. Does it make ya feel better, eh, some, but not enuf.
Born, but not wanted. Born to two selfish ppl who were interested in “stars”. Well I had no shine. Born with Dyslexia, Aphasia, Hsn(hereditary sensory & autonomic neuropathy), spasmodic bladder (not incontinence, OR urge to pee – oh lets be thankful for those small favors) etc etc talk about struggles.
Cant talk, read, write, bla bla… I had a fighting spirit…. yep, bite that bullet. Add to that, I was born on the heals of twins… my mothers body was drained from them, didnt have time to recover… so… the RUNT of the litter: Lucky Me!!!. Rotten teeth… medical probs. How much can one take? Had 4 siblings… fighting for friendship: DON’T Tag along. …. having to go blocks away, just to find a friend… and WHO wants someone who struggles to talk, what kid has the patience? Did I want to talk? Crooked teeth, did my parents want to waste money on me? Hell no, instead of braces, we’ll just pull a tooth & hope the teeth straighten out. Yeah, smile and see the ppl stare. Want to hear about MORE bumps?
My father was verbally & physically abusive…. I have nice scars to remind me – ON my skin/arms. My mother was emotionally, mentally abusive – she didnt want ALL those kids, She even said so: IF abortion had been legal me & younger sister wouldnt be here. WOW, wish abortion HAD been legal – more bad luck. So my “mother” she was never there… She said she worried that when she went out (to neighbors, to friends, to her interests: Theater, clubs, etc) that when she returned one of us would be dead, despite that she went her merry way doing what SHE wanted to do. My oldest siblings mattered: The 3 Prized Pigs… us two youngest were nothing… had nothing to offer – Parents bragging rights. Oldest: “High Achiever” (my ass), the Next: Could sing like a canary. The 3rd – “the Bonus”, the son – heir apparent/twin to sibling #2.
How about that movie: Home Alone? I was THAT kid. Going to visit grandparents… parents get all the kids ready, including me… they put me in the sandbox, cuz I was a “good” kid, behaved while they got everyone else ready. They drove off, got to grandparents, grandma asks “Where is bla?” Head count…. OMG… momma called all the neighbors… find one that was home on a Saturday nite: GOOD luck (found one). Grandma wasnt blind, she could see which way the wind blew. Took pity on me… would take me places, stayed over nite at her place… but then … guess what… she died. Story of MY life…. EVERY Friend of mine is DEAD… I don’t even want to “find another friend” as my daugh keeps saying. WHY would i, when they all DIE… Lets see… 1st it was Ki., then Car, then Pat, then Maria, bill, Roni, Kry, then last – rosie.
Rosie was a blow – someone I could talk to, relate with, part of my support group… for Asexuals. You know what it is like to be a “non-sexual”/asexual being in a world filled with Sexuals? YOU have NO idea. Where you look at all those around you – their focus is on THE HUNT.. For that “someone”, and the hunters usually come across me, where I could care less: GO AWAY. No attraction – for males or females. My girlfriend had a hard time “getting a boyfriend”, for some reason, the guys were interested in me, rather than her… I would literally push them to HER… “she WANTS a boyfriend”, I don’t. I HATED dating : right up there as a portion of: WORST years of my life… had no choice in the matter… DEAL with it… go with the flow… pick yourself up, dust yourself off. Bwah ha ha.
Yeah…. oh yeah, platitudes. WHAT do I have to be grateful for… small little pennies.. You know that when ppl drop a penny, they don’t bother to pick it up… know why? Pfft. Try going thru the teenage years where EVERYONE is interested in dating and YOU arent, you hate it, dread it. Know what you can buy with pennies?
Worked hard for EVERYTHING, NOTHING came easy… self-satisfaction: HANG on to THAT… that is ALL you will get… and I can say, there is very little satisfaction or gratification in SELF. Hard work pays off – another “great” phrase… for Winners. Worked my ass off.. Double duty, born in the days of what? Where women werent accepted out there in the workforce. A sample.
Disasters…. ONE after another, the storms… Storm, rain, storm, rain. Finally saved enuf money to buy a car… being a female, took me 3X longer than a guy, cuz gee, women were CHEAP labor… you would NEVER earn the same as a man for the same job, heck no. Got a junker, spent the entire summer fixing it up. Oct 24th 1975 had it painted, ready for the road – in mint condition: HARD Work pays off…. dec 12th, ice storm. A female principal late for work, driving too fast… lost control of her car (we were going east, west), she spun around, broadsided me, got tossed into a telephone pole. Interesting accident – replays a lot. Had to be pulled out. Back injury for life…. valium to help me thru the worst of it. Had to quit my JOBS tho (had 2 part time jobs, going to college – had to pay for it somehow, PLUS pay my MOTHER rent, despite being injured: THATS life sweetie!!! Selfish, greedy, thoughtless Biotch. See how hard I wanted to win- Positive. A true fighter – life kicked me in the gut, but I kept getting up, shaking my fist at the being/entity that brought me into this world, had thought this crap, called life, up.
UPS Strike of 1976. Post office inundated w/packages. Help wanted ads, temporary – needed 50 ppl. I needed a job, as I was running out of money. NO car, still had to pay insurance on it, waiting for compensation for it….. sigh.. Not to mention: Cant get: unemploymt, cant get disability, cant get nothing.. And the good old “no fault insurance”… I had to have a loss of $2,ooo worth of wages, medical costs before I could be compensated… what was my wages? Day job $3.75, nite job $8.00 hr. how long…. The post office would pay $15 an hour … WOW. My bro needed work at the time – so both of us went to apply, at the same time – he had a car, I didnt. IF I got the job he would drive me, even if he didnt get hired. We both filled out the paperwork. Both interviewed. Yap yap, interview over… met bro in hallway. He asks did ya get hired? I said, no. Bro says, thats odd, cus the guy that interviewed me, asked me to tell my friends to apply as they needed more ppl.
Lite Bulb, I get it, I have seen THIS scenario before…. told bro: wait here a minute. I turned around, went to the room of the guy that interviewed me… opened the door, stared at him and asked: WHY didnt you hire me, my bro… bla bla… The guy says, cuz we need ppl that can lift up to 70 lbs….AND YOU don’t think I can lift 70 lbs – holding my arms out (look at me: 5’8, big boned, bla bla)? Go get someth that weighs 70, I will lift it. “We don’t have anyth like that.” Fine, I will lift YOU…. “um, not necessary, you are hired”. A fighter, life taught me how to fight. Is that the life I wanted? WHO wants to fight for CRUMBS?!!! OH Glory be, nice lesson… but who wants to fight for a itty bitty scrap all the time? BE GRATEFUL…. for such small favors… DON’T forget … I am on Valium (these days, I wouldnt get hired if I had to take a drug test). How many jobs… having to fight… to be able to work? For a decent wage.
Self inflicted. Yeah – Lifestyle… what was MY lifestyle? Did I cause MY birth defects? Nope. How about that car accident? Nope. In fact, Talk about Thunderstorms… THREE car accidents. My 1st car, which I had been saving since I was 14 (babysitting @.25 – that is TWENTY five cents an hour), my 1st job at 16…. now at 18… I am going to buy my FIRST car, with NO loan, so proud of myself (having to pat MYSELF on the back, cuz no one else would). Had the car 3 months. SITTING at a stoplight…. a guy racing his buddies home, cut the corner too sharp, smacked into my passenger side front. He had no car insurance, so my insurance had to pay for my car. Got it fixed, next summer… going to pick up my paycheck, stuck on freeway…backed up due to an accident (in far left lane, I am sitting in the middle lane). Doofus, who is in a hurry, speeding along – cuz NO one is in the left lane… all of a sudden sees WHY his lane is clear .. A tow truck is there, he quick pulls over to my lane, which is stopped, he doesnt have time to stop…. and RAMS into me… at 45-50 mph… and almost, almost flips my car (cuz I have my foot on brake), I hit the woman in front of me, she hits the person in front of her…. 5 cars (including Doofus). My car was totaled, the one I had saved my money for YEARS for. Hard work pays off. 3 car accidents w/in 18 months… 2 of them I wasnt even moving, and one I was moving. Think the nightmare is over? Heck no, lets pile the crap on her.. Lets see how much she can take. I get notified by my insur co that I am being put on risk insurance … $383 every 6 months – a FORTUNE at that time. I call my insur agent, ask him what is going on… he says, well, youve had 3 accidents… bla bla… I said: NONE of those were MY fault, I was SITTING in 2 of them… YOU only had to pay for ONE (the 1st where the guy was racing/no insur). “Doesnt matter, thats the policy”.. UNFAIR I cry…. THAT is not right, why should I be punished for OTHERS…
Then it all becomes crystal clear…. The Insur Agent tells me MY Life. “There are just some ppl in life where BAD LUCK follows them around, & you seem to be one of those Unlucky ppl who happen to be in the WRONG place At the WRONG time”…. SO I HAVE TO PAY for getting a bad hand dealt to me? Ok – As of this moment – CANCEL my insurance, he says: Doesnt matter what insurance company you get, you will still be paying risk w/them. Good, fine, at least I wont have an agent who calls their customer: A Loser!!!
Thats not the end of the story…. nope. The rain keeps a pouring…. I get a notice from the Courts to Appear before a Judge…. why? Cuz I have had 3 accidents and 1 Ticket (and THAT TICKET was NOT for any violation – MORE Bad luck – wanna hear THAT story??!!!). The Judge tells me, I have to go to “Ding Dong School” – classes to become a better driver (what was wrong w/my driving? NOTHING)… so I have to PAY to go to classes to become a better driver.
Thats not the end of the story…. nope…. Now the State Dept of Transp sends me a letter to appear before an…. agent… I have to drive to the capital … 3 cities away. They are busy there. I get called into a room with the “Agent” along with 2 men. The 1st a young man… he loses his licence, the next a semi-truck driver.. He loses his licence… Points… everyone gets points, a certain # per ticket, per accident, bla bla. My turn… I just roll my eyes…cuz I know what is coming… I would lose my licence like the other 2. The “agent” says: Well, what are your excuses. I said; I have none, I am One of THOSE unlucky ppl… I was sitting in traffic in 2 of the accidents, the 3rd broad-sided by a woman in a hurry, and a ticket that I got pulled over for “suspicion” – NO real reason… the “reason” was, I did not reduce my speed at an intersection (great story on THAT nightmare). STROKE of luck… cant believe my ears, the SUN, for once in my life.. Came out to shine…. I didnt lose my licence. Count your blessings… well… there is one… Oh, thats right, I lived thru the 3 accidents – lucky? I paid thru the nose for OTHER ppls crap – as IF I had the money to burn, I should be grateful I lived thru them? Nope – I wish I had DIED, something I had dreamed of (suicide since age 13, am now age 20). I am 63 now… I am going for the end – just to see if I WAS RIGHT about… being born on the losing side of the spectrum.
A LIFE TIME of MISERY caused by others… NOT self-inflicted lifestyle BS. Lets talk about the Medical field.. Where they are suppose to DO NO HARM – they take that oath. Dr’s are IDIOTS … trained to ALLEVIATE with Pills, not cure, Drug Pushers. What are pharmaceut. Pills? POISON… yeah, it alleviates ONE symptom, and IF YOU ARE LUCKY, you wont suffer side affects. Am I lucky? No. I had an ailment…went to the Dr… prescribed High dosage of Ibuprofin…. did he monitor my kidneys or liver? Why would he? He didnt know. Those pills are SUPPOSE to be “safe”, tested, are they? NOPE… cuz you are a guinea pig… it is how they find out about side affects, when YOU report to THEM that this/that pill does bla to me. Normally it goes: Ibuprofin wrecks your kidneys, tylenol your liver… AM I normal? Heck no…. I find out after taking HIGH dosage/prescription ibuprofin for years, that MY LIVER, not kidneys has been damaged. Sigh. My primary doc (the other was: Gynocolo) – I ask, well what can ya do for me… NOTHING… just wait till the liver deteriorates enuf … get on transplant list… WHAT? You mean there is NOTHING you can do, what can I do? Nothing, just wait for the Bad News. I no longer go to doctors – all they do is hand out poison pills (hard lessons there). They are good to stitch ya up, repair broken bones, or giving ya a shot of penicillin (had blood poisoning once, heh part of my HSN) – anything else…. I wouldnt trust them. My life, in my hands… educating myself on Nutrition, trying to fix what doctors broke. Part of that lesson of: Rely, depend on yourself – avoid what others add to or cause ya more grief. At least if I get sick, it will becuz of ME, rather than OTHERS.
Grateful for Small Favors – there is the internet…. Search for a cure, take my health into MY hands… Yeah, there ARE things YOU, a person can do – but doctors cant tell you, suggest to you there are “alternative medicines, remedies” out there. Count those blessings, cuz if you don’t… my o my…. life just sucks so much if you don’t.
What has life taught me? It is UNFAIR, It sucks. Never rely or depend on ANYONE but yourself. WATCH your back, AVOID, avoid, avoid so many things… cuz you know… YOU are the one that is going to get hit, suffer the consequence of OTHERS’ actions. Do I believe in a God… no. and YOU don’t want to hear my reasons. Cuz these little ditties I have told, are JUST THE TIP of the iceberg, the Very Tip of It.
How about this one….it is a short version of a 13 yr nightmare. My husb – his father BUILT a business, made it into a “premier”, successful business, where ALL the employees benefitted. He retired early, handed the reins over to the Oldest Son (not the most capable), who, due to the biz reputation did just fine, good, as it always did, despite some bad decisions, didnt really suffer. 2000, that older bro, fell over DEAD…. The widow thought she would now own the biz – big family rift due to that, sorry honey, but daddy owns it… but who is gonna run it. Family meetg – no one wants to take on the responsibility, and since big bro “did it all”, no one had the Know How… but… there was SOMEONE who could… someone who KNEW LIFE, had learned the lessons of life… who had spent the last 8 yrs in nite school attempting to FINALLY graduate from college (remember I was going to college way back in 1974…75, 76, 77 up until 2000… yeah – determined, a fighter). I wouldve finally graduated in 2000, along w/my daug from high school…. 4 more classes to get my diploma. Didnt happen. I was offered the position of running the biz. I just about fell over.
For once again – karma. My fath-in-law was a male chauv pig who felt women should be barefoot, pregn & in the kitch. NEVER be involved in biz. And disliked my husb – the black sheep, cuz he went against daddy’s advice about getting married to wife #1, converted to Lutheran for her, divorced her, didnt get an annulment, remarried (& I was labeled an adulteress, husb adulterer)….[Yeah, more great stuff of life, “family life”]. This man, swallowed his “pride”, offered ME, a female, NON “family” member who he had laid crap at my feet… wanted ME, to run his biz. SHOCKED, and a jaw-dropper, when my husb came home from the meeting to tell me what happened. Note: the father did NOT come to me, call me… the offer came thru my husb, I suppose he feared my response? I MADE HIM SWEAT… by telling my husb, who would tell his dad: She is going to think about it. That was jan 26th, I gave him my answ on Feb 5th. SWEAT.
Numerology, I am an 8 The number sucks. You will feel the consequences of your actions AND the actions of others, trust me. I had no problem taking the biz over (had gone to sch to become a CPA – business)…. 2000 went great, no one even noticed the diff…. except this was a Construction biz…. and I had to deal with A MAN’s FIELD… deal with men who didnt like women where they don’t belong. Really, in the yr 2000… that crap is still out there. Then 2001 went great too… until … self-inflicted? 9/11 hit, and the economy took a hit, took a dive…. and then, other stuff, which I wont get into here, cuz there are ppl out there that just cant understd some things….. others were undecutting wage type ppl. Things got tough, even tougher when 2008 hit with the housing BS… a successful biz… going down the drain, not from ME, but from others. BAD LUCK. While competitors were closing shop or moth-balling, I stood hard and tall thru it all, heh. Yeah GUYS – A woman was “making it”, forging thru all the crap.
Take off those rose-colored glasses…. you “lucky” ppl that have SO MUCH to be thankful for, you have NO idea what it is like to have a LIFE THAT SUCKS…. What went wrong? SO MUCH… The father that owned the biz, had a stroke… and Oldest bro #2, a greedy jerk, was thinkg of ALL the money he could inherit, if he scrimped on daddys care… Another family rift… as siblings wanted the BEST for daddy, went behind #2’s back (who was the Power of Atty) and stole dad, put him in a nursing facility, where he belonged. To spite us, cuz we are insignificant morons… he had the state step in, asked for a guardian, take the dads care out of our hands, yeah, so egotistical, dictator worth losing his inheritance (cuz we put the dad in a facility that cost 5 grand a month, heh). IF he couldnt be in charge, neither would we. OMG. Do you know what it is like to try to run a biz and deal w/a govt guardian? A nightmare… and as luck would have it…. it turns out that the guardian (court appointed) was an embezzler, caught, thrown in jail… new guardian/company…. bla bla bla.
Think I am making this stuff up? NO… this is only a SMALL segment of the NIGHTMARES I have had to deal with my whole life…. REAL Crap. Like I said, TIP of the iceberg. I have faced all the crap in the face, straight on… having to BE someone I am not, having to live in a world that is not mine. SIXTY some YEARS is a long time to endure all that has been thrown at me.
Grateful? I should find some sort of Silver Lining? I HAVE A CHEST FULL OF THOSE WORTHLESS ribbons… worthless. My sister, at thanksg, with the whole family …husbs, wives, adult kids asked that we each tell what we were thankful for…. when it came to me… what did I say. My family? That is NO family… My husb or kid? BWAH HA HA… My job? I said: I am thankful for the crumbs, pennies that life has handed me. Jaws drop…. and I got some nasty retorts….. one being my egotistical, narcisis, , self-absorbed, self-centered oldest sister, who like many ppl with those Rose-colored-glasses cant understand the life of UNLUCKY People… saying to me” AT LEAST, I have more than most ppl on this planet”. Really? WHAT do I have to show for my 60+ yrs….. My oldest sister – A woman who never worked 40 hrs a week in her life… who was LUCKY enuf to marry a millionaire, divorce him (there IS some SALT in the wound for ya!), and Jet Set over the planet…. who was drooled over by my “father’ cuz she landed Mr Bucks… has the nerve to tell me… what?
Oh yeah, AT LEAST… I have had the opportunity to have one of the SUCKIEST lives dealt, it has been a joy, a real pleasure being kicked around, used, abused, by just about everyone. YET, everyone of those wretched ppl in my life – thinks I am … the nicest, most patient, most generous, most responsible, reliable, honest, hardworkg SOB, bla bla (gee life taught me lots, I did graduate from the school of hard knocks – due to the Consequences of others, NOT self-inflicted)… yet ya think any of them could love or respect me? Hell no, ya know why? Cuz I am different. And ppl fear different. Yeah, I am different, I see life differently, life has treated me differently…. I am honest, everyone knows if you want an honest opinion – ASK DDS… that is Di – D, D as in disaster. A walking, living disaster. Am I a whiner? No. I suck it up. I dust myself off, pat MYSELF on the back (as no one else ever would … such as my Fath-in-law, think he would ever THANK me for saving HIS legacy/biz – hell no). And I can ADD to this… if you think it is NOT a constant… I suffered a stroke myself in 2009, oh, but thankfully I made great recovery from that!! THANKS be to the “Powers that Be”… I survived in tact. Pfft. Oh yeah… live to suffer…. great, wonderful. Think I am making this crap up? Hard to believe? Yeah, oh yeah: MY LIFE SUCKS… the big one.
Bad luck doesnt come in spurts…. a few bumps… I stick my nose out the door and it gets bitten. NO negative cycle by me – I have worked HARD to have positive. No self-fulfilling prophecy, no law of attraction. NEWS FLASH – the Sad truth is – balance must be maintained… for every winner, there is a loser… there is a spectrum… some are lucky enuf to be born on the Winning side… who cant understand that there are ppl like myself who forges ahead despite “it all” hits bumps, has to climb mountains… for a crumb, smile and thank god for “small favors” and if I whine… boo hoo, AT LEAST… I have…. crap to be thankful for – thrown at me. Where I step forward, finally, get somewhere, only to be pushed back 2 steps… know what that is like… a constant barrage…. constant… ONE WOULD Think there would be a cease-fire… heh, oh wouldnt that be nice… ah yes, a dream of mine. Always following the lite in the tunnel… Yep, another “good” phrase, there is always the light at the end of the tunnel, but for ppl like me, just as you are getting there: The tunnel collapses. Another day, another disaster… keep walking.
One more little ditty of what it is like to live MY life – of stress, of constant fighting LIFE… one day, I felt faint, had a hard time focusing. I thought it would get better…. but after dinner, I had had enuf, it wasnt getting better. I could hardly walk, unsteady, no focus – someth was definitely wrong. Went to ER/Hosp… ran tests, ran more tests… everyth seems normal… cept I cant focus on conversations or walk straight (like I was drunk). The ER doctors diagnosis…. was… a panic attack. I said WHAT? Pftt, you are SO wrong… cuz this WEEK, this entire week, has been smooth sailing, No stress, No problems… I mean, I have a hard time believing MY LUCK bla bla about the week I had compared to MY LIFE bla bla… then the ER Doctor back tracks and says, well, I guess you are suffering from a happy attack… which is probably due to your adapting to constant stress. Again – Not your “Normal” human being, oh yeah, so lucky.
And, I throw the BEST Pity Parties the World has ever known. Longest one, hmmm, a day, collected a 5 gallon bucket of tears at that one. Life sucks cuz it is HARD on some ppl. When I tell parts of my story to my daug… she thinks I am bitter. Telling my story is not bitterness. What is bitter about it – is telling it like it is, MY feelings toward others, like saying my mom is a selfish cow, even that is not bitter – it is the truth. Is the truth a bitter pill to swallow? Is saying that my oldest sister is a rich biotch bitter? May sound that way – but that is what she is. Telling “It like it is” is misinterpreted as being bitter.. The truth, I guess, for some, is a bitter pill to swallow.
You probably wonder how an asexual got married, had a kid. I didnt say I was celibate, celibacy and asexual are not the same. One chooses a life w/o sex, the other has sex despite not wanting to have sex. Never aroused, turned on – which makes having sex, a chore, did I say fun? Heh. Lesbians & gay’s got married to heterosexuals or didnt marry at all (if they were gay, lesbians of my age were almost always forced to get married, cuz really, what woman could support herself in THOSE days?!). But I didnt get married cuz I needed finan support, nope. I had other reasons, godly reasons (when I actually believed in some “benevolent being”. And yeah, I think there is a higher power in charge of things, I just don’t think that power has: Love, mercy, justice, compassion, or a soul, is cold-hearted, detached, doesnt care, is irresponsible. Wouldnt you love to know why I think that? (I have given you a SMALL portion of that – my miserable life).
PRAYING & Believing whole-heartedly, begging, pleading, even stomping my foot & demanding… for a better life, easier…. then finally coming to the realization – that “talking” to air was a waste of time. My younger sister, who was ignored, swept aside like myself, became a minister. HER Words to me on why I don’t bother with god, her answer was NOT comforting in the least. She said: “God answers every prayer, its just sometimes his answer is a no”. Why is that? ‘I kept hearing: No’s after No’s … makes ya feel real good to know that a god out there is similar to my selfish, irresponsible, uncaring mother.
I have to say the things I asked for would probably be considered in the miracle category, asking for a FAMILY, in that sense of the word… I have siblings, not sisters or brothers, I have biological parents not an actual mother/father. Health… bwah ha ha ha. One would think THAT would be an easy fix, yeah, my thoughts. How about someone I could love or depend on? Nope. And yeah, wealth as well – that would probably be the easiest – let her win the lottery. Thats it… did I get any of my prayers answered? Nope. Oh I did have others answered with a no as well… asked god to make life fair – to all ppl – ALL, that he exact justice & mercy – again the “lets be fair” card thrown in. Those didnt happen either, women on the other continent suffer from their male oppressors having acid thrown on them, genital mutilation, etc. Oh, I am an activist that works to bring about fairness, how is that going… not good.
Do I whine, complain, tell ppl of my woes? No. I don’t want pity from others – that doesnt help. All you would get is… Look for the silver lining… even negatives have positives, grasp that penny!!!! Those looking at me from the outside… w/o knowledge of the Sucky crap, think I have a great life… never judge a book by the cover. They arent here to witness my daily storms, or weekly. How about this gem: Coldest week of the year, in fact coldest on record – what happens, take a guess… the furnace fails. Self inflicted? Nope. Call for repair – that should be quik, easy, painless… not in my world. No one promised ya a rose garden (yeah, I have read ALL the platitudes in my search for WHY).
Life aint easy for a good portion of folks. No one ever said life would be fair…. or easy. For some of us, life is just naturally, destined to be hard AND nasty… cuz … why? Anyone got a better answer than mine (balance must be maintained: For every win, a loss). Chin up, dust yourself off, keep walking. I keep walking just to see how “IT” all turns out, cuz I know I am right in what I think, feel. I would LOVE to know why I drew the short straw, dealt the crappy hand. Oh to know the reason why I am here, why I was born. MY feelings at times: God is a sadistic SOB, loves to see me writhe. Oh, thats right, I am here so that some lucky person gets to win – like my oldest sister…. that selfish, self-serving hag. Think those lucky ppl would ever thank me for a job well done? Another reason I am still here – compassion. I know that when I die, some other unfortunate, unlucky soul will have to take my place in life’s grand scheme, spectrum, suffer thru a crappy life filled with…. “adventures”, “thrills & chills”, that bumpy horrendous roller coaster. Where you have to tread water, swallow a lot of it.
I spent my life swimming upstream …. ( the positive aspect), fight the deluge that wants to swallow me, drown me. I am a fighter. It is sad that there are others like myself battling life’s crap. It is sad that ppl say : Life sucks. I hear ya, I do, and despite my not believing in a god, I pray everyday that the god of the universe finally will answer my prayer of: Make life Fair for EVERYONE – ALL… there shouldnt be a total loser or winner. Life should be fair. The fairness should be individual, not global. Winners should lose just as much as they win, and losers should win as much as they lose… balance, individually. How do you bounce back from the tragedies, the crap life throws at ya… Pity party – give yourself that right to Woe is me…. and keep on walking. Typing & writing has been my “saving grace” – write “IT” all down, all the feelings, let it loose then burn the paper… thats how I made it thru… so far. I wrote, cuz NO ONE wants to hear your sad, sob story, and really, I don’t want to hear empty phrases of “positive” crap that doesnt or wont happen, wont work, wont help. Pat yourself on the back when you make it thru hell, come back to the surface for a breath of fresh air.. Cuz no one else will, very little consolation or comfort there, but hey, every bit, even if it comes from yourself, helps.
BTW: I love who and what I am, always have… I just hate the life I was destined to live. My best advice: Write IT ALL down, let loose of every feeling, cry… burn it and let it go, release it, don’t dwell on it. I found I recover much faster doing it this way… as no therapist in the world can do what letting it all out on a piece of paper can do, at least for me: An Outlet. Its where all my anger, frustration went. Cuz when it comes down to the nitty gritty, no one cares but you, no one is going to help you but you (lucky if there is a god that does step in).
Yeah, rise like the phoenix… bwah ha ha…. WHOOPIE DING…no one really gives a flying fig about ya – you have to care about yourself, and that is the hardest trip there is. I need a vacation… truly, sigh, a cease-fire would be nice. It is a dream, a fantasy, a hope…. sigh. I am 63…. still here, still swimming – treading the water, its been one helluva ride. And another question along with the WHY… what is THIS all for? Whats the point, the purpose? I Have spent a lifetime in search for the answers to those…. for over 58 yrs … been down many roads, turning over rock after rock… the never-ending search.
I live my life my way. I live MY life, not anyone elses (no keeping up w/the jones). I do what is necessary to survive, make the most out of dust. I don’t watch the news (too depressing – I stay away from negatives). I don’t care what others think about me – learned that in grade school. And yeah, that HORRID thing called life, that thorn in my side, is ever present.. I expect to get jabbed… but I don’t think about it… I let it happen, I deal with it, and yet… my positive: I prepare for the worst and hope for the best (plan A, B, C) – but even the best laid plains for a loser like myself… isnt enuf to protect me, pfft – no guardian angels here: Mine is a slacker. THIS… this is all I can do, to survive the onslaught of crap thrown my way. Plodding away… to see how it all turns out: Was I right or was I wrong.
Yeah, I am Darlene D. Being… Darlene D, D as in Disaster. Always in wrong place at the wrong time – cant hide from life… cuz even in the cave (home) crap happens. Unfortunate and a Loser whose life sucks – thru NO fault of my own (heh, and Yeah, there Have Been self-inflicted wounds as well, add those to the great stuff shoves down my throat)… thats me, my life, and IT SUCKS.
My Pity party: Paper… writing it down on paper – the hate, anger, frustration… the paper gets soaked with tears… take a match to it, burn it…let it go. For me, it was, still is: cleansing
Robin says
Darlene, thanks for writing your story. You really get it. When someone says I’m strong I know I’m getting ready to be jerked around. You diffently deserve some balance.
Responsible for Everybody says
Sorry, but you mentioned a financial blow. Big deal.
My life keeps getting blown apart, and every time I get something stabilized, another tire blows. I can’t keep my finger in all of these dikes.
Alfred James says
Well, at that time it was a huge deal because it affected the welfare of my whole family, who rely on me. This year thus far has been hell in other ways. But hey, we have to move forward and make positive changes where we can. What else is there to do?
Paul says
Just look at many of us single good men that were very much hoping to meet a good single woman to settle down with to have a family which unfortunately for us, it never did happen yet. And if there are a lot other men that really don’t mind being single, then all i can say is more power for you. But life really sucks for many of us that really wanted to be settled down, and i feel that God has really punished me very badly the way that i feel. But then with all these feminists man hating women that are all over the place these days which certainly makes it worse for us men as well, adding to the problem as well since these very pathetic loser women are everywhere today along with their horrible manners and no personality at all either. And to think how most women years ago were since they were Real Ladies and the very complete opposite of today altogether, which made love very easy to find years ago the way that our family members had it.
Tom says
You really nailed it.
Chris says
Nature does not give a dam about human life.
To be honest not eaven humans do. Life is worthless, aimless and useless, get these facts, we are here for nothing, the only thing shure is we die.
So yes, you can be “positive” but whats the point, more useless hope and illusion, for what? Get reallity, deal with it, face the shit!
I’f gone down the dark path, been there done that, I didnt come out, I still live in darkness but it’s not selfpitty, why do we always say selfpitty when someone realizes the truth, it’s reallity not selfpitty! Get the facts, live with the darkness, have nothing to lose and your free!
Craig says
Yeah, all this mindfullness stuff is bull and sometimes you just can’t change things no matter how much you ‘think positively’ about them. People are animals. They discriminate, they are self-interested, and the fact is that some people are more socially accepted than others because of who they are, where they were born, what color their skin is, or who they choose to date.
I’ve known these ‘positive thinkers’ who blame me and insist that I just have to think differently. But usually they are pretty girls who have no clue what life is like for other people. It’s easy for them to be ‘happy’ because daddy’s rich and so is their boyfriend, and yes, it’s easy to be wife (or a hooker – same thing when you take the subjectivity out of it) if you’re from a wealthy family or whatever. And that’s who’s usually saying this kind of bullshit. Wake up people, it’s not that simple.
Christopher Pesqueira says
Thank you!
Judy Foster says
For the last 15 years my husband and myself have been struggling so bad! We have loans at the bank; mortgage, two vehicle notes, insurance , medical, etc. We have had help from our Church, payed interest on our loans, still drowning! I have listened to affirmations, listen to positive music. Life is so hard, I wonder what is the use!! I just feel like giving up!!!!! I am at wits end! I need help!
Mag says
I agree..yes we can get back up and keep going but what about one trauma tragedy or problem after another? I get up and move forward only to be knocked down again immediately with another issue. So many times ..year after year . A human being can only take so much then bam! Either death or bad health or no fix situation.. Its not just keep getting back up and moving forward. That might help short term knock downs…but not one right after the other. Year after year..Humans might be resilient however.. We are not rubber bands. Ive been losing health from getting knocked down and getting back up over and over. And my knock downs are far worse than just losing a 4 yr built business.
Christine says
I agree with Mag- a person can only take so much. At age 46 I went for a hearing test and was told I needed hearing aids. I was shocked as I never abused my hearing. It was because of having to take an anti-depressant after getting out of a 13 year abusive marriage. The drug which was zoloft – caused permanent nerve damage to my inner ears. Now I am facing more hearing loss and may have to get cochlear implants because my hearing aids aren’t helping anymore- I’m now 59 and too young to be dealing with this. I have other health issues as well. This has affected me as I was once a social and funny person. Now all I do is go to doctors who can’t figure out what’s wrong with me. I have always been a fighter but I’m tired. I’m depressed and full of anxiety. I hate who I’ve become. My wonderful husband of 22 years is watching me suffer and he can’t fix me. He feels broken hearted for me. I’m very frustrated and fed up.
Rob says
This is all balls. I’m sorry I didnt read all your posts. I am a 50+ year old. Two years ago I was fired after 33 yrs of service from a job I thought was family. After all these years and following the rules I decided on investing in the green rush. For those of you who may not be familiar with the term, I legally invested in a cannibus farm. I now make 15% of what I was making before. My wife didnt have to work. I took care.of my family financially and didn’t worry about finances. I was so distraught and depressed that I didnt work for a year and a half. I made some small investments that carried us thru. I went from excellent credit and due to debt income ratio my score dropped 100 points. I’ve been through a lot these past 3 years. My mom passed away 7 months ago. My sister is sueing me because I put my mom in a reverse mortgage after my dad passed so she would always have a place to live. Now my 50 year old sister thinks that she lived in my parents home without paying a dime that I owe her a almost $800,000. I’m paying 2 attorneys to get my share turned over to my niece which happens to be her biological daughter. She should have been our daughter. The list goes on and on. I needed to vent but would like to read your comments.
Dan says
I dont think I can go on, just dont have the energy anymore and I genuinely believe I have been cursed or something to that effect.
I lost my dad beginning of January he was 64, so still young by modern standards. We grew up in poverty so he died with £150 in his bank account. Two weeks later my long term relationship failed, so I lost my home as well. And then two weeks after that I lost my job.
All I see is people having fun and enjoying their lives, settling down or having a different part or each week. Doing well in life having the things they want, nice car, nice suit. And I know I’m not by any means free of mistakes, but I’ve never killed anyone or intentional set out to hurt anyone. I’ve never even been one for self-pitying, even when I was a kid and had to wear shoes that were too big for me because they would last longer. But this is too much for me and I’m tired, I’m not even sure why I’m writing this, just wanted to vent i suppose.
I feel like I dont understand this world anymore and not even sure I want too!
life sucks says
I agree..yes we can get back up and keep going but what about one trauma tragedy or problem after another?
Anonymous With The Truth says
Life really sucks when you’re single and all alone without a wife and family.
OneSq.Ft.@aTime says
Thank you. I needed to read this. Know that you just saved 1 persons life today.
Alfred James says
I’m so pleased to hear that. I wish you all the best for 2021. Stay strong.
KF says
Having lived with delusional thoughts and influences in my life over the years, the death of my parent shattered my world. The pain caused me to fall back into back habits and my mind went to darker places. On the outside, I made people laugh. They said that I brightened their days and missed me when I was absent. Internally, I couldn’t stop searching for ways to kill myself… My saving grace was to allow one off day a week to totally shut down. I eat my favorite meal the night before and turn off all alarms and allow my self to veg-out the next day reading and listening to things that keep me calm- bible on CD, music, documentaries, etc.. It’s seems that my body and mind and spirit appreciate this because by late afternoon on my first day off, my mindset is not the same. What I’m learning is that I need to let life happen: feelings of pain, regret, fear, etc. While it doesn’t solve the problems, my mind is clear. My whole being has pressed the reset button. My advice: If one finds time for a pity party, cater it! Have a meal or two that you enjoy. Be intentional about reading a chapter or two from that book awaiting your hands. Turn on your favorite songs and dance or cry to it. Give yourself “release”. Take yourself off the leash of life! Take the time to find you! :-)… oh, and those problems, you’ll have a better perspective on how to approach them. The path out is almost never what we expect it to be. 🙂
Alfred James says
Thank you for sharing your experience, KF. Some really great advice there. I hope you stay out of those dark places and remain in the light going forward.
hayley says
I don’t like my life. As a minor i’m going through so much and i’m constantly thinking of ending me.